"Cliques" "Groups" or "Circle of Tightly woven friendships" what ever
you call them, our ward has one or two and it's very noticable.
(Let me start this by saying, that I have a nice social life outside the ward, and I do have some wonderful friends in the ward, but there are many ward members that don't have anyone to be around when there's a holiday/special occasion. My own family doesn't get together often and I feel as though my ward should be a "family" of a sort. There aren't supposed to be "favorites" and we need to be able to feel equal, we are in our Heavenly Father's eyes. )
My goal in life is to have as many people at my funeral as possible. How are we to know everyone if we stick to the favored few?
How many times have you been in the presence of these groups and were left out of the conversation because they just spent the weekend swimming, camping or BBQ-ing together.
How many times have you tried to plan a get together and everyone told you that they were too busy, so you spent it alone?
How many times have you sat next to someone you don't know and sat quiet and still until you saw someone you spend a lot of time with and ushered them over to chat about your own lives?
How many times have you met someone new, decided they weren't like you and never spoke to them again? (Differences build strenghths. Where your weakness lies, many others carry strength.)
People say that we have a "close" ward, but I disagree. Our ward has a tendency to be very self involved and individualistic. We don't think of people outside of our "group". There are very few that feel welcome and a lot that feel neglected. (They have more than made the effort, but not the right "connections"...)
I know that most of you hate these groups, but some of you don't mind because you are in one.
Every time that someone stands up and bears their testimony about what a great, friendly ward this is, I think... They were probably invited to join this little group a few times or had someone who cared if they came. I also know that for as many people who say they love the ward, there are those to say that they can't wait to leave it. These are people who were never in callings with the Relief Society Presidencies and/or counselors. They weren't in the Elders Quorum Presidency or the Bishopric. They aren't in the Ward Counsel Meetings... They aren't the popular or outgoing, but their testimonies are stronger than most.
I had a friend who once bravely stood up in our ward and pretty much told us that we don't need to form "little groups" and that our ward is made up of a whole bunch of "little groups". I agree! I have been watching and waiting for people to notice what is happening. When the subject is brought up, most people agree that there is a problem. Mostly, people feel ignored because there is no support. I feel ignored most of the time. When people need something from me, that's when I exist to them.
I counted on Sunday how many conversations someone started up with me. There were two people. AND it's not that I sit in the corner either, this is while walking in the halls!! I don't feel included but I do feel like I am interferring. I thought I was friends with some of them but am constantly reminded that I am NOT in their GROUP, just an observer.
Our ward has such a huge lack of attendance, and understand why so many people are so offended, that they have quit coming! I have known people who visit, but are completely ignored because they aren't the cute little blond and her strapping husband, but they have strong, solid testimonies.
For years, Visiting teachers have taught their best buddies. I haven't had an "IN" so I get the most obscure, hard to reach people and it is very frustrating to watch this "group" VT each other. Honestly, I don't have a testimony of VT anymore. I don't even know who myVTs are.
My testmony comes from the actual fact that this is Christ's Church upon the earth and from the scriptures. President Monson is a righteous leader and so are his counselors. I love and trust them. I know that there is a ward out there that will accept me for who I am, for my talents, my willingness to serve others and will acknowledge that I am a Child of God, an actual daughter that will inherit all that is offered to me. I do not come to church to socialize, but I feel that
being a member of the ward is something that should be done all the time, not just on Sunday or at ward activities. We have been here for 10 years, and have not felt like we belong for the last 3. We can't move, but we want to. And what's really sad, I don't think I could honestly say
"I would miss the ward". A very few people ~ yes. But not the ward.
Crazy Life and Lovin' it!
13 years ago
6 comments:
I do agree with you on the Cliques. I remember some of them from Evergreen ward too. I am sorry you feel left out. We have moved into a new ward and several young families moved in within 2-3 months we all became good friends and then the Bishop asked if we would please include others in the ward. It was an eye opener to me I didn't realize we had been excluding others but we had a comfortable group and we just invited the same people over and over. Another friend told me that she had lived in the ward for 4 years before anyone invited her to dinner. Thank you for reminding me (again - I forget easily) that we need to reach out and include others. I don't often start conversations at church, I am usually feeling too sorry for myself (7 months pregnant and I would much rather be home on the couch). :) This is a very long comment, but your thoughts really touched me. Thanks Shellee for finding me and starting contact again. I have thought of you since we moved but then again never made the the thought into an action to call or email. I am glad I can catch up with you on your blog. I miss our impromptu swimming parties.
I was hoping I wasn't interrupting you when we hugged, but I DEFINITELY needed it. It was great to see you on Sunday, and it was nice to be able to get the Sacrament as well. I usually don't get home until 10:30 or 11:00 pm from my Mother's home, so I have been sleeping through church since June.
And yes, I agree with you completely about the cliques in our Ward, being that I have been in the same boat. That's why it has been so easy to get sucked into spending the majority of my time with my job at school during the school year, and now my Mother as she requires daily help from me.
But then, I could go into a whole epistle on how the widows are treated in our Church. It's not exactly Christ-like.
Shellee, we have had this conversation a million times. I don't think it will EVER change. I feel the same way, I have since we moved back. I don't think anyone in the groups even notice the "outsiders". I remember when someone in the RS said "If you don't feel welcome it's your own fault." I'm so glad that person moved. I never felt more unwelcome then I did that day. All I know is that I have a testimony of the Gospel, not the church the Gospel. People come and go and the only thing you have left is the Gospel. Keep smiling I'll be home some and we can complain in person.
I have a ward exactly like yours and I feel left out and neglected. I am glad you remember it is Heavenly Fathers church and not the church of cliques, even though it feels that way. I have never felt wanted or welcome in my ward either. I hope your situation improves. Keep on keepin on.
Thank you for posting this! I agree with a lot of what you have said. It made me think of how I am. I don't think of myself as cliquish because I don't speak out much and therefore usually get forgotten. I want to be someone that everyone young and old can talk to and get along with and be able to have a variety of people/families over and enjoy the diversities. Thank you for helping me realize how I can be more Christ-like.
Amen... I've been ignored a few times and sometimes I think it's me that needs to take the initiative to talk to others because I'm not the best at starting conversations. But there have been a few times when I was the one to start the conversation and I was pretty much ignored anyways...There are a lot of nice people in the ward, only a few go out of their way to be friendly.
Post a Comment